


crimes of passion

by peachsneakers



Series: preservation of the self [9]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intrusive Thoughts, Morally Neutral Deceit Sanders, Panic Attacks, Past Suicide Attempt, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Remus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-09-05 21:22:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 14,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20280022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers
Summary: Roman's always been part of the famILY, but lately, he feels like he doesn't even belong.What's this about Patton feeling the same way?





	1. bedridden

**Author's Note:**

> like i was gonna leave it there, i drink angst juice for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

It's quiet after the others leave, letting him get his rest. Too quiet, if Roman's honest with himself. They all reassured Thomas that they would be fine if he left the mind palace and went back to the real world, but Roman had to admit he hadn't exactly been telling the truth. (Nor is he the only one who noticed, if he judged Deceit's sharp glance at him correctly.) But what else is he going to do? Admit that he's not okay to _Thomas_? It's bad enough that the other sides know that he's not as strong and princely as he appears, that he's weak, pathetic, a sniveling-

"We have to stop meeting like this," Deceit deadpans from the doorway, startling him.

"What?" Roman asks inelegantly. Deceit snorts.

"Lies, remember?" Deceit says. His tongue slips out, tasting the air. He makes a face. "So many lies, so little time. Why do you lie to yourself so much, Roman?"

"I don't know," Roman admits. "I- I'm not entirely sure what you are taking as a lie, Deceit."

"Pathetic?" Deceit quotes, raising an eyebrow. "Weak? Not princely? You're a _prince, _Roman, not an automaton. Surely you can be allowed your own foibles."

"I-" Roman shuts his mouth in surprise. "But I _am_ those things."

"Lie," Deceit says coolly. "Do I have to fetch the others to imprint it in your skull?"

"No!" Roman blurts out, freezing Deceit in place. "No," he repeats, softer. "Please- please don't. I'm fine. I just- I just need to rest, I guess." He gestures weakly at his bandaged side. "I'm overwrought."

"That might be the first truth you've told yet," Deceit murmurs. "But no, someone should stay with you, anyway. Virgil still needs me, so I'm afraid it can't be me. Who do you dislike the least?"

"What kind of question is that?" Roman sputters. Deceit's mouth curves upward in a sideways smirk.

"I simply wondered who you'd say," he says, his voice oozing faux innocence.

"Sure you did," Roman grumbles. "You choose, if you want someone to stay with me so badly."

"Patton, then," Deceit says, dropping all pretense. "I'll be back." He sinks out, only to return a moment later, Patton in tow.

"Hi, Roman!" Patton chirps, climbing up in the big, padded chair still left by Roman's bedside. "Deceit said you needed some company." Roman glares at Deceit, who simply smirks and twiddles his gloved fingers as he sinks out again. Sighing, Roman turns to his new visitor.

"Greetings, Patton," he says, trying to force himself to sound cheery. "If Deceit pulled you away from anything important, feel free to return to it. I assure you, I'm fine."

"Oh, Roman," Patton says, with a soft sigh. "I know you're not."

"If I try hard enough, then-" Roman stops himself, biting his lip until it hurts.

"You don't have to pretend," Patton says. "It's okay to not be okay. I promise."

"Isn't that a My Chemical Romance song?" Roman asks. Patton giggles.

"Close," he says. "Virgil would know better than me. But it's not wrong, Roman. You're allowed to be not okay."

"Patton?" Roman says, his voice as steady as he can manage. "If that's the case, then..."

"Yes?" Patton asks, his eyes warm.

"I'm not okay."


	2. poking the fourth wall

"Is Roman okay?" Virgil asks as Deceit returns to the kitchen. He's tucked up on the counter, his feet dangling. Patton tried to coax him into a chair, but Deceit knows that's a futile effort when Virgil feels this way. He'd bring Virgil into the living room, but he's a little leery of doing so when the living room is the scene of his latest psychotic breakdown. He doesn't want to risk triggering a new episode, though he thinks spending so much time in Logan's room has helped burn away the miasma of Remus's.

"He will be," Deceit says. The half-truth hurts, like burnt sugar, but he doesn't mention it. Roman _should_ be okay. Patton's the center of emotions. At the very least, he doesn't think that Roman will be able to fob off the moral side with empty platitudes or his own meaningless half-truths. He had been tempted to ask Remus but after the kraken disaster, Logan's grabbed him and holed up in his room, nominally to monitor him for ill health. Deceit doubts that's the whole truth, but it's not like he _minds_ someone watching out for any disastrous health effects of being squeezed like a stress ball underwater.

"Are _you_ okay?" Virgil asks, his eyes surprisingly soft and concerned. Deceit hums instead of answering, and Virgil fixes him in place with not-quite-a-glare.

"I don't know," Deceit admits. "It is...foolish, nothing _should_ be wrong." He stares down at his gloved hands, wincing when he thinks of the secrets hidden beneath his black sleeves.

"That doesn't mean everything's fine," Virgil says quietly. "I mean, I felt like that when I freaked out, so." He hitches one shoulder up in a lopsided shrug. "You can talk to me. You should talk to _someone_, at least."

"Everything is just moving so fast, I suppose," Deceit says, trying to put words to it. "It feels like a month has passed, but it's only been a day. Roman got injured today. Remus half-drowned today. The imagination- Remus's intrusive thoughts- Roman's misbegotten words- It all happened _today_."

"Today is the longest twenty four hours I've ever had," Virgil says. "I know what you mean. It is weird to think about." He shifts his position on the counter, leaning more against the cabinets. "It's a good twenty four hours, I think, though. I mean... Thomas wants to _accept_ you and Remus now. And- and I guess me, too, that I used to be-" He stops, scrubbing a hand through his hair.

"Thomas accepts you," Deceit says firmly. _Truth_. "And if he chooses to fully accept Remus and I, I would be delighted. It's not easy doing your job properly when the person you're attempting to protect hates you."

"I'm sorry, Deceit," Virgil mumbles. "I know that I've said it before, but I just- I didn't help with that, I made Thomas's anxiety about you showing up worse, and then with _Remus_-" He stops, his teeth worrying his bottom lip. Deceit snaps his fingers and a fidget cube falls into Virgil's lap. He looks up in surprise.

"Stop biting your lip," Deceit says. "You'll make yourself bleed."

"At least there's not a kraken around to squeeze me to death," Virgil says, and shudders. Deceit joins him.

"That..._absolutely_ did not shock me," Deceit says. "I thought for sure..." He trails off. Virgil can fill in the blanks himself.

"Wanna hang out in my room?" Virgil asks, picking at the sleeve of his hoodie, fidget cube cradled in his lap. "Or your room? I dunno. It's kind of weird, just hanging out on the kitchen counter tops."

"Not your room," Deceit says automatically. "Just in case. But my room... I suppose we can." He proffers an arm to Virgil, who delicately takes it, putting as little pressure as possible on Deceit as he hops down, off the counter.

"Lead on, Macbeth," Virgil says.


	3. chaos your reality

"Are you comfortable?" Logan asks, fiddling with the duvet. He looks oddly discomfited and Remus wonders why.

"Yes," Remus answers, realizing he's taking too long to answer the question and Logan's eyes keep darkening with worry. "Snug as a bug in a rug! Say, do you think-"

"Remus, you are not putting bugs in my bed," Logan states firmly, pushing his glasses up his nose. "How do your ribs feel?"

"Like shit," Remus says bluntly. Logan's loosely wrapped them and even given him pain medication, but they still send needling pain through his chest every time he tries to adjust his position.

"Are they any worse?" Logan persists. Remus thinks for a moment, then shakes his head, regretting the movement when his temples throb.

"Good," Logan says, penciling in a notation in a small notebook.

"What's that?" Remus asks, pointing at it.

"I'm writing down my observations of your condition," Logan answers.

"Why?" Remus says. "I'm just a side. I'll be fine."

"You cannot die, but I would still prefer to keep an eye on your condition," Logan says, fiddling with his pencil. "It is important for you to be well rested and heal quickly, after all."

"Nah," Remus says cheerfully. "Thomas doesn't need _me_. Now _Roman,_ on the other hand..."

"Thomas needs _both_ of you!" Logan exclaims, making Remus jump and instantly regret it. 

"Why- why do you say that?" Remus finally asks, his voice so quiet Logan has to strain to hear it.

"Because it's _true_," Logan says. "Thomas needs _both_ sides of his creativity. The good and the, as you've put it, bad."

"But I'm _bad_," Remus points out. "That's- that's what I _am_-"

"I don't believe that," Logan states, folding his arms across his chest. "Falsehood. Truthfully, I think that you have been mislabeled all along. Perhaps instead of Creativity, your role should have been Imagination. You encompass _all_ of the imagination, whether the others like it or not. Just because Roman's talents are utilized _more_ does not make your contributions worthless."

He's breathing hard after his speech, his hands now loosely clenched into fists at his sides. Remus stares at him in shock, unable to process what he's just heard.

"Come again?" He finally manages to say. Logan flushes.

"Your contributions are not worthless," Logan repeats. "You are an important part of Thomas. You are not 'bad.'"

"You-" Remus stops. Logan- _Logic_\- is _defending_ him. After the intrusive thoughts video, he-

"I thought you hated me," Remus blurts out.

"You jumped to conclusions," Logan says, a faint smile playing around his mouth. "Just because I was your foil in the intrusive thoughts video doesn't mean I _hate_ you. I just happen to disagree that it would be best for Thomas to try to open an airplane door and get sucked out. I know you have intrusive thoughts, too."

Remus looks down at the duvet, counting the stars. There are too many and he quickly gives up.

"Thank you," he says quietly, almost too quiet to hear.

Then he pulls out a fresh deodorant stick.

"Want some?"


	4. opening up

Patton doesn't know what to expect when Deceit abruptly sinks out of the kitchen, leaving him alone with Virgil. He knows that Virgil isn't supposed to be alone right now, but he hasn't the faintest why Deceit left, never mind why he looked so aggravated.

"Bet it was Roman," Virgil says knowingly, from his perch on the counter.

"Why do you say that?" Patton asks, having given up on coaxing Virgil into a chair for the time being. His well-being is more important and at least the counter tops are sturdy.

"He only tends to look like that when he's summoned," Virgil explains. "He wouldn't leave me alone otherwise." Virgil hitches a shoulder up. "Not that you aren't good company, Pat, just-"

"I don't know what it's like for you," Patton guesses. Virgil nods, looking uncomfortable. "Hey, kiddo, don't worry. I get it. You're right. I _don't_ know what it's like, or what's best for you, and Deceit does."

As if Patton has summoned him himself, Deceit re-appears, looking flustered. Flustered and annoyed, as he fixes his hat and hisses something under his breath.

"Deceit?" Patton ventures. Deceit's eyes light on him.

"You," Deceit says, snapping his fingers. "How would you like to keep Roman company?"

So it was Roman. Virgil smirks at him, as if to say _I told you so._

"Sure," Patton says. "Anything to help-."

"Great," Deceit says, grabbing his wrist. "I'll be right back, Virge," he promises, as he sinks out, taking Patton to Roman's bedroom.

"Hi, Roman!" Patton says. He clambers up in the padded chair left behind by Roman's bedside, sighing happily. "Deceit said you needed some company." Roman glares at Deceit over Patton's shoulder, and Patton makes a careful note of it.

"Greetings, Patton!" Roman says, his voice at its most boisterous. Patton wonders how he could have ever thought Roman sounded all right. "If Deceit pulled you away from anything important, feel free to return to it. I assure you, I'm fine." For a moment, Patton contemplates it. Not because he thinks Roman is all right or because he was actually _doing_ anything more important, but because he isn't sure if Roman's _willing_ to open up. Then he rejects it. It's _Roman_. He needs help, and Patton is always willing to provide help, if he can manage it.

"Oh, Roman," Patton says softly. "I know you're not." Pure panic flashes across Roman's face for a second, stifled in the next. It only serves to prove to Patton his decision to stay is the right one.

"If I try hard enough, then-" Roman stops himself, biting his bottom lip until it looks inflamed.

"You don't have to pretend," Patton assures him. "It's okay to not be okay. I promise," he adds, remembering one of Virgil's favorite songs.

"Isn't that a My Chemical Romance song?" Roman asks. Patton can't help but laugh.

"Close," he says. "Virgil would know better than me. But it's not _wrong_, Roman. You're allowed to be not okay." Roman takes a deep breath.

"Patton?" Roman says. His voice is a little too even, but Patton can see how badly his hands are shaking. "If that's the case, then..."

"Yes?" Patton asks.

"I'm not okay."

And his face immediately crumples as he slumps into noisy tears.

"Oh, Roman!" Patton exclaims, pulling a box of kleenex out of thin air and offering it to him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Roman admits, his voice watery. "But if I don't, Deceit and Virgil are going to camp out in my room and it's easier to talk to you than the guy who can tell every half-truth from a mile away."

"It's not easy to talk about things," Patton says. "But I'll always listen, Roman."

"Thanks, Patton," Roman says, blowing his nose. "Everything's just been- well, I don't feel like much of a prince, I'll tell you that much."

"Why?" Patton asks, surprised. Roman winces.

"I know I apologized to both of them, but how I acted toward Deceit and Remus," Roman mumbles. "_Especially_ Remus. My own _brother_ and yet I-" He sniffles. "I said such awful things to him. And I used to say such awful things to Virgil. And I'm not- I'm not creative enough, my ideas are _never_ good enough, never _serious_ enough, and now- well, Thomas has Remus now, he doesn't even _need_ me, does he?"

"Of course he does!" Patton exclaims. "Roman, just because your brother is creativity, too, doesn't mean that you aren't important or needed. If anything, I think Thomas would like it if you two could work _together_ sometimes, not that you weren't _there_. Your ideas are good enough. Hasn't Logan backed off on critique? Or do we all need to have another talk?"

"He has," Roman admits. "But that's the problem. I'm still- still _feeling_ this way, and it's so _stupid_."

"It is not stupid," Patton says, shaking his head. "How you feel is not stupid. It could never be stupid. It's important and you deserve to be able to express it."

"Thanks," Roman says, but he doesn't look like he believes Patton very much.

That's okay, Patton decides, giving Roman a handful of kleenex. He'll just have to believe it for him.


	5. 'ware the shadows

It starts as an itch. Just a little niggling itch, one that Remus can ignore if he tries. And he _wants_ to try, he does, because Logan has taken to reading parts of another cephalopod book to him, and showing him pictures and diagrams. Logan's voice is surprisingly soothing, and all Remus wants to do is nestle into Logan's bed and listen to the logical side read for a week.

But that _itch_ won't leave him alone, that persistent, maddening unease that something is rotten in Denmark (and coincidentally, in Thomas's mindscape). He frowns. Logan notices and breaks off mid-paragraph.

"Are you in pain, Remus?" He asks in concern. "I can stop if this isn't helping-"

"No, that's not it," Remus interrupts, his forehead scrunching. "Something feels...not right."

"With you or someone else?" Logan asks. Remus breathes silent relief that he doesn't have to convince Logan and waste precious minutes doing so.

"Someone else," Remus says. "But I don't think it's my brother. I'd- I would know if it was him."

"All right, give me a moment," Logan says, rising to his feet. "I will go and check on Roman and see if he knows where the others are." Remus waits impatiently for him to return, that uneasy feeling roiling and expanding, just behind his breastbone. The snarl of scratches he inflicted on himself burn, and he has to tuck his hands into the covers to avoid irritating them further.

"Roman and Patton are in his room," Logan says. "I believe I interrupted at an unfortunate moment, but they both seem fine. Patton said that Virgil and Deceit were in the kitchen, last he knew. I will check the kitchen next."

The wait this time is longer and Remus is all but writhing in impatience by the time Logan returns. Only the knowledge of how much it will hurt stills him.

"They aren't there," Logan says with a frown. "I am not sure where they are. They are not in the living room, either."

"Dee wouldn't take Virgil to Virgey's room," Remus states with utter certainty. "So that must mean- oh, _no_."

"What?" Logan asks, alert. "What is it?"

"You know how you visited depression?" Remus asks. "Well, Deceit's been dealing with a lot of it. And if he and Virgil went to his room and all that is still _there_, then..."

"I'll check on them," Logan says, determined. Remus shoots out a hand, grabbing his wrist.

"I'm coming with you," Remus says. 

"Remus, your ribs are too badly injured for this," Logan demurs. "I will be fine on my own."

"You won't be able to get into Dee's room," Remus points out. "I can rise up in it regardless. I'll take you with me."

"Are you sure?" Logan questions. Remus nods like he's become a bobblehead doll.

"I don't _want_ to move, you know," he says. "I sound like a bowl of rice krispies. Snap, crackle, _pop_!" He wheezes a laugh, regretting it when he feels the accompanying twinge of pain.

It's slow going, standing up, even with Logan helping him, and it doesn't help that the unease only burns hotter. By the time Remus is upright, he's more than ready to go.

"Next stop, Dee-ddy's place!" he sings out and sinks down, nearly cradled against Logan's chest to keep himself from falling over.

When they rise up again, the room is freezing cold, the shadows are everywhere, and Deceit and Virgil are sprawled on the floor, Virgil clearly in the unrelenting grip of one of the worst panic attacks Remus has ever seen.


	6. my place among the ashes

_Thomas hates you._

_Everyone hates you. Patton thinks you're evil. Roman knows everything he thought about you was right. Logan thinks you don't belong. Deceit and Remus hate you. You left. You betrayed them. Once dark, always dark. You're bad for Thomas. You don't belong here._

_You're bad._

_You're bad._

_You're bad._

Virgil hugs himself tighter, his fingers digging into his skin as he rocks. He can't see anything anymore, not even Deceit. His ears roar with static. 

_Thomas wants to get rid of you._

_All he has to do is take anti-anxiety medication._

_Anti-_you_ medication._

_You don't deserve to exist. You don't deserve-_

"Virgil?" A familiar voice cuts through the static for a moment, and Virgil stiffens. It sounds like Remus. Remus sounds..._scared_. But why? Remus shouldn't be here. Virgil _left_. Remus should-

_Look at you. Being a burden even now. You shouldn't exist. Get rid of yourself. Duck out. Do it. Now._

"Virgil!" Remus's voice again, joined by Logan's, and it sounds like they're crying. Virgil's brow furrows. Logan's _crying_? _Why_? What's wrong? 

_You. You're wrong. You're making him cry because you exist. You're bad._

_You're bad._

_You're-_

"Virgil, whatever they're saying, don't listen!' Remus pleads. "The shadows _lie_. Depression _lies_. You remember that, don't you?"

And with a giant, shuddering gasp of a breath, Virgil is back.

He sits up, prying his arms away from his sides, shivering. Remus is there, supported by Logan, and tears streak his face, smearing his makeup.

"We need to get Deceit out of here," Logan states. "I tried rousing him first, but it was impossible."

"I don't know what happened," Virgil mumbles, moving automatically to pull Deceit up. The side is limp and heavy. Virgil can see that his eyes are closed, shadows like bruises stamping under his eyes.

"We can find out somewhere else," Logan insists. Virgil looks around and blanches. The room that's normally relatively inviting, if a bit cluttered, is so _dark_.

"My room," Logan says, and Virgil is falling, hopelessly wrapped around Deceit, until he sprawls in a heap on the floor of Logan's room.

"Deceit?" He splutters, patting Deceit's face. "He's so cold- Logan, can you warm him up? He's part-snake, he-"

"Here," Logan says, summoning a heated blanket. "Be careful. Don't heat him up too quickly."

"Thank you," Virgil says raggedly, tucking the other side into the blanket. His face looks like it's relaxed a little, but he still hasn't opened his eyes. "Come on, Deceit," he begs, barely cognizant of Logan helping Remus back into bed. "Wake up, _please_ wake up, it's okay, we're in Logan's room-"

"Virgil?" Deceit's voice is scratchy but _there_, and Virgil sags a little in relief.

"What happened?" Deceit asks. 

"That's what I would like to know," Logan says, coming over. "Here, let's get you up." He snaps his fingers and another bed appears, more like a cot than anything else. He helps Deceit into it, and Virgil sits at the edge, unwilling to leave Deceit for more than a moment.

"So you don't remember what happened?" Logan resumes. Virgil shrugs helplessly, looking down at his lap.

"We went to my room," Deceit says slowly. "I didn't want to heighten Virgil's anxiety with his own room and I thought the living room might still be off limits, because of the psychotic episode. But the dark..." He pauses, then shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I...I can't remember."

"It was depression," Remus speaks up. "I could tell." He taps his chest, then winces. "I could feel it."

"Thank you," Deceit says earnestly, and Virgil nods.

"Perhaps we have not dealt with depression as much as we thought we had," Logan muses. "What does that say about Thomas's mental state?"

Virgil isn't sure he wants to know.


	7. the voice inside my head

Deceit's head throbs, though he knows it's nothing compared to the pain Remus must be feeling right now. Cracked ribs are no joke, after all, and he must have jarred them terribly when he took Logan to Deceit's room.

_Look at you,_ a voice not his own breathes in his ear. _Such a burden. So _weak_. Look at him. He's hurt because of you._

_He was already hurt, thanks,_ Deceit thinks icily. _And if you recall, Virgil and I weren't even in the room when he conjured the octopus._

_You should have been,_ the voice hisses.

"I think it would be for the best if you two stayed in here for the time being," Logan says. "If Virgil feels better about the living room later, then tonight, perhaps we can have a sleepover in there."

"Sounds good to me," Virgil says, nodding slowly and fidgeting with the sleeves of his hoodie. "I mean- even if I freak out again- I won't be alone."

_He wouldn't have freaked out in the first place if it wasn't for you,_ the voice chimes in, a little too bright. _You're the one who sent him to Remus's room by himself. You should have known what would happen._

Deceit does his best to ignore it, to focus on the other three in the room, but his attention can't help but waver in and out, the others' voices (Logan's steady and calm one, Virgil's slightly shaky one, Remus's pain-laced cackling one) replaced by low, hissing triumph, dripping steady poison into his ears.

"Deceit?" Virgil, his hand resting on Deceit's arm, pulling him back. "Are you all right?"

"Of course," he lies, and if it were Logan, he would have likely accepted it at face value, now that he's gotten used to the way Deceit speaks in truths as well.

But Virgil _grew up_ with him, he probably knows more tells than Deceit knows himself, and his eyes narrow, peering into Deceit's face.

_Good going,_ the voice spits. _The embodiment of deceit and you can't even _lie_ convincingly. Maybe _you_ should be the one to duck out. After all, Thomas obviously doesn't need _you_. You haven't even been fulfilling your key purpose! How pathetic._

_Would you shut up,_ Deceit snarls.

"What is it?" Virgil whispers, quiet enough Deceit has to strain to hear him.

When the two of them had entered Deceit's room, the shadows rushed to greet them like a pet ecstatic its master has returned, like the greeting of an old friend. He ignored it, thought he could handle it. He doesn't know how he ended up on his own floor, curled up in an unfeeling ball, wondering the best way to slit his wrists.

_But you know that's what you should do,_ it whispers in his head, and now he can put a name to it. 

"I can still hear it in my head," he admits lowly.

"Tell it to fuck off," Virgil says and Deceit has to laugh. If only it were that easy. Logan overhears their conversation and a slight frown crosses his face.

"Depression is a formidable foe," he says. "But that doesn't mean it can't be beaten. It doesn't mean that things can't get better."

"Can they?" Deceit murmurs. Logan's eyes soften.

"Of course they can," he says. "And I will do my utmost to ensure that they will. For all of you."

The voice falls silent. A wisp of shadow scuds under the door, fleeing the room, and Deceit smiles, feeling all the lighter for it.

"Logan?" Remus's voice interrupts them. "Can you read more about cephalopods?" He plays with the edge of his blanket, looking imploringly at the logical side.

"Of course," Logan says, retrieving the book. Virgil cuddles against Deceit as he listens, letting the words wash over him in a steady wave of sound.

The voice is nowhere to be found.

For now, anyway.


	8. behind the times

"It can take a long time for your emotions to make sense," Patton tells him, his face warm, his voice earnest. Roman nods, burying his nose in another round of tissues. He feels ridiculous, yet oddly drained, in a cathartic sort of way.

The door opens and Logan peeks around the edge. His hair sticks up in odd places and his tie is slightly askew. Roman frowns.

"Patton," Logan says, in seeming relief. "Do you happen to know where Deceit and Virgil are?"

"Why?" Patton asks, concerned. "Has something happened?" Logan grimaces, and Roman feels a sharp flutter of concern, right at his breastbone.

"I do not know," Logan admits. "Remus feels like something is wrong, but he cannot tell what it is. He assures me that it has nothing to do with his brother." Roman huffs a little in relief. _Good_. So his emotional breakdown doesn't seem to be affecting his brother. That's something.

"The last time I saw them, they were in the kitchen," Patton says. "I don't think they planned on leaving."

"Thank you, Patton," Logan says, retreating. Just before he closes the door, his voice floats back. "I hope you are feeling better, Roman."

"Thank you," Roman calls, but he doubts Logan can hear him.

"I hope everything's all right," Patton says, worrying at a spare kleenex. "You don't think anything bad's happened to them or Thomas, do you?" Roman concentrates. Now that he's not focused on his own overwhelming storm of negative emotions, he can understand what Remus is sensing. He doesn't have the same talent for it that his brother does, but he can still tell when something is wrong in the mindscape.

And something is _very_ wrong.

"I think that Thomas is all right," Roman says slowly, after reaching out to him. Thomas is curled up on the sofa, watching _The Office_ re-runs and eating a carryout pizza. His thoughts feel slightly turbulent, but mostly untroubled, as if Thomas has decided that he needs a moment to just _be_.

So Thomas is fine. But what about Deceit and Virgil? All Roman can sense when he concentrates on the two of them is darkness, and that scares him. He remembers the shadows. Remembers Logan, Deceit, and Thomas ending up in the wrong state of mind. Has that somehow happened again?

"Roman," Patton says insistently, pulling him from his negative thoughts. "Calm down. It will be fine. Logan will find them."

"You don't understand," Roman insists, struggling to get out of bed, to do something, _anything_. Patton pushes him back down, surprisingly strong for the side everyone assumes is nothing but a marshmallow.

"Roman, you need to rest," Patton says. "If Logan needs our help, he will ask for it. They're probably fine."

_They aren't fine,_ Roman thinks, resentful. _I know _that_. I could help them. I need to help them. I-_

His wounds throb with pain, and he winces. 

Perhaps it _would_ be for the best to at least wait until he has confirmation from Logan what's going on.

"They aren't there," Logan says without preamble, bursting through the door. "I thought I should update you as well, before I tell Remus. Don't worry. We'll find them."

"Okay, _now_ can I-" Roman starts, but Patton shakes his head.

"Logan just said they weren't in the kitchen," Patton reminds him.

"When has Logan ever asked for help?" Roman asks in exasperation. "Come on, Patton, what if it's depression again, he can't just-"

"He has your brother," Patton reminds him. "It will be fine."

Roman's fingers drum roughly against his leg.

"Fine," he acquiesces. Patton smiles encouragingly at him.

"It will be okay, Roman," he says. "I'll check in a few minutes. Would that help?"

"Yes," Roman admits. "Please do." Patton leaves, sidling through the door. He returns a moment later, his face pale and troubled.

"What is it?" Roman snaps. Horrifying visions reminiscent of his brother dance through his head.

"I'm not sure," Patton says. "But-" He turns to Roman, his eyes dark.

"They aren't there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor roman


	9. a foolhardy plan

Patton's heart thuds in his chest as he tiptoes down the hallway, heading toward Logan's door. It feels like he's walking to his doom, which is ridiculous. They'll all be there, he reassures himself. He's just being silly. Maybe he'll even meet Logan on the way, in the middle of opening his door. He cheers up a bit at that. That would be nice. And then he can go back and assure Roman that everyone is all right and he needs to rest. Because Roman desperately needs rest, Patton can see it in every exhausted line. The were-bear might be so much pulp back in the imagination but that doesn't mean its effects don't still linger. (Not that Patton understands _why_. He tries not to think about that too hard.)

He knocks lightly on Logan's door, a dismal approximation of his usual cheerful tap.

"Logan?" He calls, willing his voice to stop quivering. "Are you in there?" Silence. Not even an inappropriate rejoinder from Remus and _that_, above all else, concerns Patton the most. He knows he hasn't spent _that_ much time with Roman's brother, but he does know that Remus is prone to shouting whatever comes into his head, no matter who or what is around him.

"I'm coming in," Patton warns. The doorknob turns easily beneath his shaking hand, and he peers around the edge of the door.

The room is empty. The bed is messy and unmade, the blankets thrown every which way. There's nothing to indicate where they've gone.

And Patton has a hard idea believing that Logan would take Remus anywhere else. Not with the injuries he sustained from the giant octopus. Would he?

Patton shakes his head. It doesn't matter. He has to get back to Roman. He finds himself hurrying, taking too-big steps and nearly falling on his way back to Roman's room, afraid that Roman's going to be gone, too, and he'll find that it's just him, all alone, and no one else is there anymore-

But Roman is there, looking at him with wide, concerned eyes and Patton's breath rushes out in a great, whooping gasp.

"What is it?" Roman demands. Patton swallows, his limbs quivering.

"I'm not sure," he admits. "But-" He does his best to still his trembling. "They aren't there."

"What do you mean, they aren't there?" Roman snaps, panicked. "Where's my _brother_?"

"I don't _know_!" Patton yells right back. "I'm sorry," he says, immediately softening. "I just- I don't know what's going on. They aren't there, and I don't know where Deceit and Virgil are, and you can't get out of bed-" He can feel his breathing speed up and he sends a mental apology to Virgil, hoping that somehow, Virgil can feel it. He doesn't want to give Virgil his _own_ anxiety, but he can't help it. It's part of being at the core of a lot of Thomas's feelings. It's easier for him to experience the ones Virgil usually controls.

"Hey, hey, it will be okay-" Now it's Roman's turn to comfort him, albeit clumsily. Roman presses a kleenex into his hand and it's only then that Patton realizes he's stumbled across the room and ended up back in the chair next to Roman's bed.

"Thanks, Roman," he says, his voice watery. "I'm sorry. Got a little choked up there."

"It's okay," Roman says. "What uh- what do you think we should do?"

"I don't know," Patton admits. "You're hurt. You shouldn't even get up."

"My legs work fine," Roman says. "Or they should, anyway."

"All right, so you could probably get up, but you shouldn't do anything to aggravate your injuries," Patton says, frowning at him.

"Okay, so we just go and check out Virgil's and Deceit's rooms," Roman says. "Maybe they're all there."

"Maybe..." Patton trails off, doubtful.

"Come on, help me up," Roman requests. Patton rushes to give him a hand, helping boost him up. He hisses in pain, but manages to get himself upright, snapping a pair of shoes onto his feet.

"Let's check Virgil's room first," Roman suggests. "We'll just have a peek."

"Good," Patton says. "You know how the kiddo likes his privacy..."

"It'll be fine," Roman says. "We won't see anything. Are you in?" Patton looks up at Roman's determined face and swallows.

"I'm in," he says.


	10. the darkest corners of my mind

It starts as a simple flutter, a brush against the edge of Virgil's thoughts. At first, he ignores it, chalking it up to the effects of his recent tangle with depression. He's always on edge after that, always a little too uneasy. Add the effects of Remus's room on top of that and it's no wonder he's on edge.

But it doesn't stop. It _intensifies_, making his stomach churn and his head pound. His breath comes in short pants, huffing through his nose, as he curls into a ball.

"Breathe, Virgil," he hears Deceit say, from a very long way away. "I'm going to tap out the rhythm on your wrist, okay?" He feels Deceit's fingers on his skin, tapping out 4-7-8, and his breathing slowly stabilizes, just enough for him to look up and meet everyone's worried eyes. Metal traces his tongue and he realizes he's bitten his lip.

"What's wrong, Virge?" Deceit questions. "Is it depression again or-"

"Someone's in my room," Virgil whispers. His eyes widen. "No, not just my room. My corner of the mind. Why would Roman or Patton be _there_?"

"I don't know," Logan says. "But I believe that someone should retrieve them."

"I have to go," Virgil says. "It's _my_ space."

"Deceit, will you stay behind with Remus?" Logan asks, ignoring Remus's protests.

"Sure," Deceit says, though he looks uneasy, toying with one glove. "As long as you understand that I'm only giving you so long before I'm coming after you. I'll bring _Thomas_ if I have to."

"Fifteen minutes?" Logan proposes. Deceit nods in agreement.

"I wanna go!" Remus demands. Logan turns to him, his voice gentling. VIrgil wonders if he's aware of that.

"Your ribs are still injured and our trip to Deceit's room has no doubt only injured them further," Logan says. "And this time, you are not needed to get in. We will return momentarily. As Roman cannot stay in my room for long, perhaps we can adjourn to the living room at that point."

"We should go," Virgil says, fidgeting with his hoodie strings. "It's- You remember what it was like before. It's worse if I'm not there."

"Then we'll go now," Logan says, extending one arm to Virgil. Startled, Virgil takes it. "Lead the way, Virgil. It is your corner, after all."

Taking a deep breath, Virgil sinks out, focusing on keeping Logan with him.

The corner of Thomas's mind where anxiety resides doesn't look all that different from Virgil's actual bedroom, save that it always resembles Thomas's present location. There are a few more spiderwebs, the shadows are that much darker, that sort of thing.

And the others can't be here for more than a few minutes. Virgil's presence mitigates things. Thomas's does even more. But the only sides he's ever seen able to stay for more than ten minutes or so are the others, the so-called "Dark Sides." Of which, Roman and Patton are not.

"Do you see them?" He asks, frowning at the distortion his voice has already acquired. That's not good.

"Not yet," Logan says. Virgil tightens his grip on Logan's forearm.

"I don't think we should separate," Virgil explains in a shaky rush, his face burning. Logan nods thoughtfully.

"Good idea," he says. Eye shadow already darkens crescents under his eyes. _How long?_ Virgil wonders, his eyes frantically scanning the darkness for signs of his friends. If they've been here for too long...

"There!" Logan says, pointing toward the door. Roman's crumpled against the wall, the telltale red of his sash gleaming like a streak of blood.

"Roman! Patton!" Virgil shouts. Roman's head jerks, but Patton doesn't move.

"Shit," Virgil says, swallowing hard. It takes longer than Virgil would like, wading over to them and dragging Logan behind him (watching his eye shadow get darker and darker), but finally he's there.

Patton looks up, frowning.

"Virgil?" He asks, his voice tiny and tear-choked. "Logan? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question!" Virgil exclaims. He knows his voice is too sharp, but it still hurts when he sees Patton wince.

"Looking for you," Patton says. "I checked Logan's room and he was gone- But now he's here-"

"I believe you must have just missed us," Logan says. He looks disconcerted. "I apologize, Patton. I should have warned you before I left."

"It's okay," Patton says. The darkness under his eyes is so thick, he looks like he's been punched. "But um, it's Roman."

"What about him?" Virgil steps forward, peering into his eyes. Roman's head lolls on his neck. Patton wrings his hands.

"He won't wake up," Patton says.


	11. r-e-s-c-u-e, rescue aid society

They don't mean to actually go _into_ Virgil's room. Well- Patton realizes they've gone slightly wide of the mark and ended up in his entire corner of the mindspace. But that's all right. If he's there, he'll sense them and he'll come to the entry and all will be well. And if he _is_ there, maybe he knows where the others are, too.

He forgot how _dark_ it is in there. Patton frowns as he squints at the shadows, straining his eyes to try and catch a glimpse of a familiar, purple-hoodie'd figure. Nothing.

"Oh, let's go in," Roman says, impatient. "Just for a second. It's got to be easier to see in there if you're actually _in_ there."

"I'm not so sure about that-" Patton starts to say but Roman's already charging ahead, and it's just easier to follow.

It doesn't take long for Patton to wish he'd done anything but. With a roar in his ears like the crash of a waterfall, darkness envelops them both. Patton lets out a tiny, choked cry, hand fumbling for Roman's in the blackness.

_What are you doing here?_ Voices echo around him, making him cringe, trying desperately to find the source. _How pathetic,_ they laugh, the cruelty in their laughter cutting at Patton's ears. _It's you again. Come to cry at some curtains again? You're so _pathetic_. Such a baby. That's all you are. A little, pathetic baby. Thomas deserves better from his _Morality_. Not that you'd know anything about doing your job properly._

_I'm not a baby for having a phobia of spiders,_ Patton mentally answers, his fingers tightening around Roman's. He hopes that Roman isn't dealing with this, too. _Thomas is happy with me and I'm happy being his Morality. Nothing you say could change that._

The voices seem to recoil- or at least, it _feels_ like he's just been given a jot of breathing room- and Patton takes the opportunity to look around.

"Virgil?" He calls. The name echoes back at him in mockery and he shivers. Roman suddenly collapses to his knees next to him, nearly wrenching Patton's shoulder from its socket.

"Roman!" He exclaims, dropping to his knees and peering into Roman's face. Roman's eyes are closed, though Patton could tell that his eyes keep jittering beneath the lids. "Roman, open your eyes." He gives Roman a _very_ gentle shake, hoping that it doesn't jar his injuries too badly. Nothing. Not even a wince of pain.

"Roman, come on," Patton says, trying to sound firm. "If this- if this is a joke, it's not funny. Wake up."

_You'll never wake him up,_ the voices rush back in, taunting him. _Failure. Weak. Pathetic._

This time, Patton listens.

Until a hand falls heavily on his shoulder. He looks up, his eyes blurry, to see Virgil standing there, purple-patched hoodie and all. He's holding Logan's hand and Patton could cry in relief on seeing _that._

"Virgil?" He asks. He has to make sure. "Logan? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question!" Virgil says sharply. Patton winces. Yep, Virgil's not happy with them being here. He can't blame him.

"Looking for you," Patton admits. "I checked Logan's room and he was gone- But now he's here-" Questioning, he looks up at Logan.

"I believe you must have just missed us," Logan says with a frown. "I apologize, Patton. I should have warned you before I left."

"It's okay," Patton says. _Failure_ echoes dimly in his ears. "But um, it's Roman." He wrings his hands as Virgil steps forward.

"What about him?" Virgil asks, peering into his eyes. Roman's head lolls on his neck and Patton winces.

"He won't wake up," Patton says. "I tried- But he just sort of fell and now-" He gestures helplessly, trying to will the tears back. He's only partially successful.

"Let's get him out of here first," Virgil says, decisive. "Especially since I don't think we have long before Deceit and Remus show up on a rescue mission or some shit, and I don't want them here, too."

With Virgil's and Logan's help, Patton wrangles Roman to his feet. 

"To the living room," Logan says. "Then I will retrieve Remus and Deceit from my room."

Patton nearly falls when they sink into the living room. He knows that he jars Roman's wounds. _Good going, Pat,_ he berates himself as he helps Virgil lift Roman back onto the bed still sprawled next to the couch.

Before Patton can do more than open his mouth, Logan returns. Remus looks like he's in even more pain than Roman, but he still lunges for Roman as soon as he sees his brother's lax body.

"What's wrong with him?" Remus demands.

"He spent too long in my space," Virgil says, looking uncomfortable. "That's all I got, anyway."

"That's why," Patton affirms hoarsely. "I'm sorry, Virgil. I should have stopped him."

"It's Roman," Virgil points out. "So good luck there. It's fine, Pat. I just wish you both were okay." Patton stares at him.

"What do you mean?" He asks. His heartbeat sounds loud in his ears. "I'm fine."

"Falsehood," Deceit says, hissing the 's.' Logan inclines his head in agreement.

"Pop Star, you spent I don't know how long in _my_ corner of the mindscape," Virgil says. "You still have the fucking eye shadow. You aren't okay."

"Language," Patton chides automatically. Virgil just _looks_ at him. "Roman's more important right now."

"Eh, he's unconscious, we could do anything to him," Remus says, flapping a hand in his direction. "Hey, do you think he would mind if I drew dicks all over his face?"

"...Yes," Patton says. Remus pulls out a felt pen.

"Too bad," he says. 


	12. it's only logical

As Remus doodles dicks across his brother's face (stealthily aided by Logan whispering anatomy facts to him when the others aren't looking), he lets his mind wander.

Fact: Patton and Roman visited Virgil's corner of the mindspace.

Fact: The eye shadow under Patton's eyes has begun to clear up, but Roman's is still as dark as ever.

Fact: All of the Dark Sides' (of which Virgil still is one, at least in origin) rooms don't work the same way as the Light Sides. They never have.

Remus peers into his brother's slack face.

"Hey!" He says, cutting the others' chatter short. "What if Roman's still trapped in Virgil's room? Can you imagine?"

"Remus, that's not funny," Virgil warns thinly, but Logan holds up a finger.

"I don't believe he was trying to be funny," Logan says. Remus bestows a grateful smile on him. "The idea has merit. Patton looks like he is recovering but obviously, Roman has not."

"Maybe we should put him in someone else's room?" Patton suggests. Tears streak his cheeks, but he seems unaware of them. "Would that help?"

"Perhaps," Logan says. "I don't believe Remus's room or Deceit's would be at all beneficial. As well, Deceit's room is actively dangerous at the moment."

At Patton's surprised exhalation, Remus utters one word.

"Depression." It's enough.

"Patton, your room is nostalgia, but depending on _why_ he is still asleep or unconscious, that could only loop him further," Logan continues. "His room _could_ be beneficial, but at the same time, I have a few of the same concerns about his room that I do for Remus's."

"He got awful in your room, Logan," Patton says, looking worried. "Surely that can't be the answer?"

"I don't know," Logan admits. "But I believe it is worth it to try, for a short period of time."

"Maybe you could try putting him in multiple rooms," Virgil suggests, chewing on his thumb nail. "Like a rotation."

"That is an excellent idea, Virgil," Logan says, smiling at him. Jealousy stabs a claw through Remus's throat.

"Your room first," Deceit says, leaning against the couch. He looks exhausted and the skin around his scales is red and irritated.

"I'm going, too," Remus blurts out, capping his pen and stowing it away in one of his many pockets. He looks down at his handiwork with pride. Roman is going to be so furious when he wakes up.

Because he _is_ going to wake up. That's never been of any doubt.

"We're all going," Logan says. "I don't believe it's wise to split up at the moment if we can help it."

It's slow going, the procession up the stairs, and Remus chafes at it. But he's helping hold Roman up and no matter how strong the impulse to swing him around and throw him down the hallway or back down the steps, he won't do it. (Not while Roman is unconscious anyway, it's no fun that way.)

The longed-for calm washes over Remus as soon as he steps through the doorway into Logan's room and he sighs happily, helping to set Roman down on the bed Deceit had recently occupied. He can see a frown has come over Roman's face that wasn't there before.

"Look," he says, pointing it out. Logan smiles slightly.

"Good," he says. "I don't think that my room is enough to wake him, but perhaps it can help."

"I hope so," Virgil mumbles, fiddling with his sleeves. "I just- ugh, I feel like garbage. I should have figured it out quicker, maybe then-"

"Oh no, Virgil, don't blame yourself," Patton exclaims, enfolding Virgil in a gentle hug. "We should have waited and not gone in there. You can't help the effect that area of the mindspace has on people."

"I guess," Virgil says, but he sounds dubious.

"Hey, Virgil!" Remus calls. It makes Virgil jump, but he turns Remus's way anyway. "It's my fault that you went cuckoo for cocoa puffs!"

"No, it isn't," Virgil blurts out, on autopilot. "I _wanted_ to help you- Oh." Remus grins.

"Exactly," Remus says.

"All right, whose room should we visit next?" Logan asks. "Patton?"

"Maybe," he says, tucking his hands in the cat paws of his cardigan. "I don't know if anyone else should come in, though. Not if it's supposed to be nostalgia central station, anyway."

"We'll all go," Logan states, his voice quiet but firm. "But perhaps anyone who is overwhelmed can step just outside?"

Patton hesitates, then nods.

"Sounds good to me," he says.


	13. emo-tional

Anxiety curdles in Virgil's stomach as they all congregate in Patton's room, Patton fussing over Roman as he's gently laid to rest in Patton's bed. It reminds Virgil uneasily of a funeral procession. _Sides can't die,_ he reminds himself. It helps a little.

"Are you okay, Virgil?" Logan asks. He fidgets with the hem of his hoodie, but finally nods. Deceit turns to look at him, frowning, but doesn't say anything. When Logan moves aside to check on Remus and his still damaged ribs, Deceit slips up beside Virgil.

"You don't have to lie, you know," Deceit murmurs. "You don't _have_ to stay."

"I'm scared to leave," Virgil mumbles. His face feels like it's been set ablaze. Deceit's face softens in understanding and he conjures a fidget cube, handing it to Virgil with a crooked smile.

"You lose these so easily," Deceit says. Virgil's face reddens further.

"They're uh, small," he tries to explain, but the grin on Deceit's face stops him cold. Deceit's not angry that he has to keep conjuring fidget toys. It's okay. It will be okay. Virgil looks around, soaking in the nostalgic dazzles of Patton's room. Roman seems to have a slight smile on his face. 

"Hey!" Remus says brightly. "Remember when I didn't exist?"

"Remus..." Deceit says in warning, crossing over to stand in front of the creative side. Logan moves aside, looking lost. "Let's think about something else, okay?"

"Like what?" Remus asks, tilting his head to one side, impossibly far. Virgil hears a creak and winces. "I used to be one person. _We_ used to be one person." His gaze cuts to his brother, and Virgil can see tears standing in his eyes. "Remember when we split? Remember when-"

"All right, I think that's enough," Deceit says roughly. "Roman's been in here long enough and I _know_ Remus has. I'm sure that's impossible to tell."

"Remember drawing electrocuting Thomas's brother?" Remus asks, oblivious to everyone else. "It was so funny, I laughed...and laughed...and then I wasn't laughing anymore." Patton opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but abruptly closes it. Virgil is quietly grateful. He doesn't think Patton can say anything right now that's going to help.

"I know, Remus," Deceit says quietly. Remus's eyes cut back to him, and the anguish glazing them makes Virgil stumble back a pace.

"It's not _fair_," he says, wrapping his arms around himself and rocking back and forth, heedless of his ribs. "I don't want- Why can I _remember_?"

"Nostalgia is not so kind to you," Deceit says. "Come on, Remus. We're leaving."

It takes Logan, Virgil, and Deceit working in tandem to hustle Remus out of Patton's room. He fights the whole way, and Virgil winces every time he looks into Remus's eyes. 

"There," Logan says, propping Remus up against the wall outside Patton's room. "I need to help Patton with Roman." 

"Are you-" Virgil stops, peering into Remus's face. "Are you okay?"

"No," Remus says sullenly. "Yes. I don't know. Butts."

"You're as okay as I think you're going to get at the moment," Deceit says. He sounds relieved.

"Where to next?" Logan asks, carrying Roman out with Patton. 

"Roman's room, I guess," Virgil says. "That- I mean, where else?"

"Hopefully this is not an error," Logan says, frowning in thought.

"Thomas might be able to help," Deceit suggests. Logan's face clears.

"Perhaps," he agrees. "We shall ask him here again if this does not wake Roman. Agreed?"

Reluctantly, Virgil chimes in with the others.


	14. a burst of inspiration

Roman's room feels oddly subdued when they file in, settling Roman on his bed. Deceit eyes the chair by his bedside with uneasy fascination. Beside him, Patton does the same.

"He will be fine," Deceit murmurs. The uncertainty is sour on his tongue.

"Now what?" Virgil asks, hunching into himself. Deceit frowns. The eye shadow under Roman's eyes has lightened, but it still remains. Patton's has vanished entirely, although the moral side still looks upset. Then again, after Remus's meltdown in his room...

"Remus," Deceit says. Remus looks up. Logan has settled him on the end of the bed and is busy rubbing his knuckles, trying to keep him in the present. "Talk to him. About your role. The role you share."

"Oh, I think I see where you are going with this," Logan says, brightening slightly. "You mean to remind him of his purpose."

"To start with," Deceit says, nodding. "It's worth a shot."

"Yeah, it is," Patton says fiercely, clutching Roman's uninjured arm. Remus gingerly climbs up next to his brother, leaning across him.

"Hey, brother," he says, in a pained whisper. "I don't know what's wrong with you. Where you are. Are you in another dimension? Like space? I'd rip a hole in space to find you. We need you. I need you. You're my other half. I can't do my job without you. I- I wouldn't even know how." He laughs, and Deceit can tell it pains him. "We need you back. Virgil's room can't have you. The dumb shadows can't have you. They aren't allowed to hurt you. That's _my_ job." His teeth look a little too sharp when he says that. Deceit wonders if he's even noticed.

"I know I make fun of you for being Netflix Kids and Family but Thomas needs you," Remus resumes. "You're good for Thomas. I can- maybe I can be good for Thomas, too, but only in small doses. Otherwise he'd jump out of moving cars and fall down sewer grates and jump off cliffs and open doors in airplanes. You're like a prince in a Disney film. Although Pixar's better." Another shaky laugh escapes.

"You're Thomas's knight in shining armor, when all else fails," Remus says. "That sounds dumb. But it's true. He needs you. I need you."

"We all need you," Deceit joins in, moving closer. "You are wanted."

"You are needed," Logan puts in.

"You're important," Virgil mumbles, his face reddening.

"And you're loved!" Patton finishes.

"And I'm almost sorry I drew dicks on your face," Remus adds.

Roman's eyelids flutter, and Deceit holds his breath.

"What was that last bit?" Roman asks in a tired voice.

"I drew dicks on your face," Remus announces proudly. Deceit smiles in relief as the others swarm the bed. Roman's okay. Or awake, at least. They can work with that.

"What do you _mean_ you drew dicks on my face?!" Roman screeches.


	15. i'm okay (trust me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so what _has_ roman been doing?

The moment Roman steps into Virgil's corner of the mindspace, he knows it's a mistake. The unfettered force of Virgil's anxiety nearly drives him to his knees, but he pushes forward anyway, trying to keep a brave face for Patton. Patton's hand slips into his and he squeezes reassuringly.

_Do you really think you can protect him?_ The echoes taunt him. _You can't even save yourself. Look at you. You're a mess. Pathetic. Thomas is sickened by you. He hates you. He'd rather have your _brother_. At least Remus has original _ideas!

Roman sags to his knees. From a distance, he thinks he can hear Patton calling his name, but the voices are much, much louder.

_You see? You're useless. All you do is clutter up the place. You're like a stain. Tainted. Broken. Who needs a broken creativity?_

_I'm not broken,_ he tries to argue, but he knows it's a lie. Patton's hand feels like it's a million miles away. The voices rush on, laughing, the distortion making Roman's ears hurt.

_Really?_ They taunt. _Look at what Thomas could have without you._

The shadows rush in, crowding Roman's vision, and when he's able to see again, he's in the middle of Thomas's living room. Everyone's there- even Deceit- and Remus is standing in his usual spot.

"Thanks, Remus," Thomas says gratefully. Roman watches his brother preen under the praise and winces. Remus has had precious little of that.

_He'd have more with you out of the way,_ the voices whisper. _Watch._

"Videos are so much easier to film now," Logan says, contented as he pushes his glasses up his nose. "I admit, I was skeptical at first, but your plan has really paid off."

"Guess we didn't need Roman after all," Virgil says, with a lopsided shrug. "Remus is great at this. I mean, remember when Roman tried to come up with an original idea and failed?" He laughs, and the sound cuts Roman to the quick.

"Now, now, kiddo, he tried his best," Patton admonishes. Roman feels a tiny spark of hope. Surely Patton- "But I suppose you're right. Remus is doing such a good job as Thomas's creativity, I wish we'd done it before!"

"Meanwhile, I'm _sure_ Roman is having a _splendid_ time, locked up with the others," Deceit comments, with a sneer. "At least the others have something to contribute."

_Thomas!_ Roman cries, staring at Thomas's laughing face. _Defend me- Care about me- Do _something_-_

"He tried," Thomas says carelessly. "Anyway, Remus, I'll run your latest work by Joan, but I think you definitely got something there. Thank you."

_Roman! Wake up!_ Roman frowns. That's Patton's voice, but-

_Ignore it,_ the voices command. _That doesn't matter. This does._ The scene changes and now Roman can see where exactly they've decided to stash him, now that he's no longer needed. One of the darkest corners of Thomas's mind. The skin under his eyes is so bruised-looking, it looks like he's gotten into Virgil's makeup and gone ham with it, and he's shivering. He no longer wears his prince outfit. Instead, he's dressed in ragged layers, with only a dirty red sash thrown over top of it all to remind him of who he used to be. He winces, seeing himself like this.

Someone he doesn't recognize strolls into the picture, hands propped on his hips.

"My, how the mighty have fallen," the stranger drawls. Roman in the scene doesn't even stir. The stranger sighs. "You're no fun." They lash out, the tip of one boot sinking into Roman's side. Roman doesn't do anything but grunt a little in pain. 

_This is what you deserve,_ the voices whisper. _You deserve this. All of this. You're worthless._

Roman listens. He vaguely feels things, things that don't match with the boisterous laughter of the others above his head and the chill seeping through his rags, but he ignores them. They don't matter. They aren't real.

_Good,_ the voices say, sounding pleased. _You're right. Nothing matters but this. You don't matter. You-_

But then-

"-brother," Remus says. He sounds like he's on the verge of tears, and Roman wonders why. "I don't know what's wrong with you. Where you are. Are you in another dimension? Like space? I'd rip a hole in space to find you. We need you. I need you. You're my other half. I can't do my job without you. I- I wouldn't even know how."

That doesn't sound right. Didn't he just see everyone getting on just fine without him? But the pain in Remus's voice is so _real_. 

"We need you back. Virgil's room can't have you." _What?_ "The dumb shadows can't have you. They aren't allowed to hurt you. That's _my_ job."

...Well, that _is_ something Remus would say. Roman has to admit that.

"I know I make fun of you for being Netflix Kids and Family, but Thomas needs you. You're good for Thomas. I can- maybe I can be good for Thomas, too, but only in small doses. Otherwise he'd jump out of moving cars and fall down sewer grates and jump off cliffs and open doors in airplanes. You're like a prince in a Disney film. Although Pixar's better."

_No, it's not,_ Roman tries to protest. His lips don't move.

"You're Thomas's knight in shining armor," he hears Remus say. "That sounds dumb. But it's true. He needs you. I need you."

"We all need you," and now it's Deceit, and he doesn't sound at all like the sneering villain in the living room, he sounds soft and warm and..._concerned_. "You are wanted."

"You are needed," Logan says firmly, another stark contrast, and Roman finds himself stepping back from the insensate version of himself on the floor, looking around with wide eyes. The voices are silent, though he can sense alarm. Why alarm? He doesn't-

"You're important," Virgil says, and Roman can almost _hear_ the embarrassment.

"And you're loved!" Patton nearly shouts. The scene around him shivers, starting to crack into a thousand pieces, like a broken glass.

"And I'm almost sorry I drew dicks on your face," Remus adds.

Wait. _What?_

"What was that last bit?" Roman asks, and this time, when he opens his eyes, he's lying in bed, the others crowded around him, relief flooding every face, but none so much as his brother's.

"I drew dicks on your face," Remus says proudly.

"What do you _mean_ you drew dicks on my face?!" Roman screeches.

"What I said," Remus says, smug. "You were unconscious." He shrugs. Roman summons a mirror. True to Remus's word, his face is covered in marker-drawn dicks.

Dicks that are _suspiciously_ anatomically correct. He glares at Logan, who shrugs in a surprisingly good imitation of Remus's.

"What happened?" Roman asks.

"That's what we want to know!" Patton exclaims. "You just- I couldn't wake you up, it was so scary." He sniffles. Roman reaches out, resting a comforting hand on Patton's elbow.

"I don't know," he says slowly. "I thought it was real, but I- I guess it wasn't."

"It was something you fear," Virgil guesses. His eyes look haunted. Reluctantly, Roman ventures a nod.

"I saw that- that Thomas replaced me," Roman admits. "With Remus. And locked me up with the others, but- but everyone was so happy about it, they said Thomas never needed me, you all wanted Remus-" His voice cracks.

"Never," Remus says, solemn-faced. "I couldn't be Thomas's creativity without you, Roman. You're my _brother_."

"We'd never do that," Patton says. He looks horrified. "I couldn't-"

"We wouldn't," Virgil says. "But... But Roman believes it could happen. Don't you, Roman?"

"I don't know," Roman says, looking down at his blanket. Tears burn his eyes.

"It won't," Deceit says, his voice so fierce, Roman has to look back up. "And we will all, Thomas included, do our living best to ensure that you no longer fear that. And _that_ is not a lie."

"Thank you, Deceit," Roman says shakily.


	16. self-induced guilt trip

Virgil helps Roman wash the dicks off- although it takes quite a bit of scrubbing, because whatever marker Remus used doesn't want to come off. Roman mutters imprecations under his breath every few minutes. Virgil's just happy that Roman's awake again.

Especially since it was _Virgil's_ 'room' that caused it all in the first place. Guilt stabs him, deep in his stomach and splintering through his rib cage. If it wasn't for _him_, Roman would have been okay all along. If he hadn't gone to Deceit's room and been waylaid by depression, he would have caught the intrusion as soon as it happened. There would have been no _need_ for intrusion. He would have been _fine_.

But _no_, he didn't want to hang out in the kitchen anymore and he sealed himself _and_ Deceit to their fate. He sits quietly, chewing on his bottom lip. He's slowed down on helping Roman, but thankfully, Roman's taken over the slack, too invested in cleaning his face to care that Virgil's no longer pulling his fair share.

_Just like you, isn't it,_ a familiar voice whispers. _You've always been lazy, haven't you, Anxiety. Thomas doesn't need you. You're worthless._

_Oh, shut up,_ Virgil says tiredly. Deceit looks his way and frowns. He saunters over, grasping Virgil's wrist with one hand.

"Excuse me, Roman, I'm afraid I _don't_ need to borrow Virgil for a moment," Deceit says smoothly. Roman looks up, a furrow between his brows that slowly eases when he sees the pallid sheen of Virgil's skin.

"Of course," Roman says. Deceit tows Virgil to a corner of the room.

"What is it?" Deceit demands in a sharp whisper. Virgil hunches inward, painfully conscious of how many people are crowded into one room.

"I don't know what you mean," he tries to lie, but Deceit merely arches an eyebrow, his tongue flicking out briefly. 

"Try again," Deceit says.

"I just-" Virgil gestures helplessly at Roman's bed. "It's my fault, isn't it?"

"Did you tell Roman to enter your side of the mindscape?" Deceit asks. 

"Well, no," Virgil admits.

"Did you force him? Put a gun to his head? Demand he do as you say?" Deceit persists. Reluctantly, Virgil shakes his head. "Then why are you blaming yourself? We all know that your side has unsettling effects, particularly when Thomas is not here to diffuse the effects. Roman _certainly_ knows it after the video where they visited."

"But if I'd just stayed in the kitchen-" Virgil mumbles. Deceit sighs.

"I didn't want to stay there, either, if you recall," Deceit reminds him. "I was perfectly happy to leave. It's not your fault or mine that that decision proved to be a mistake. And what happened to Roman isn't your fault, either."

"I guess," Virgil says, still reluctant. He isn't sure he can believe Deceit. He knows it rationally but-

Well, Roman still looks pretty bad, dick outline on his forehead that won't come off notwithstanding.

"Hey!" Patton says. "I know what we need."

"What?" Logan asks, looking at him skeptically. Patton beams.

"Snuggles," he says. "Hugging is good for you. And so are onesies."

"I hardly think-" Logan begins, but he's already in his unicorn onesie, as Patton snaps his fingers. Virgil looks down at his black bat one with amusement. Well, it's better than a spider one. He doesn't want to terrify Patton into catatonia, after all. Roman has a lion one, Patton his own cat onesie, Deceit a predictable snake onesie, and Remus has his own octopus onesie, complete with stuffed tentacle arms.

"Nice," Remus says in delight, making them wave around him.

"Well, come on," Roman says with a mock put-upon sigh, snapping his fingers and expanding his bed. Virgil joins the others, ending up snuggled between Deceit and Remus.

For a moment, at least, his awful mood fades.


	17. a crisis of conscience

Patton is the one who organizes the exodus to the living room. Every time he looks in Remus's direction, guilt burns his throat (although the unassuaged delight in Remus's eyes over his octopus onesie is helping).

The worst part is that he's responsible for Remus's reaction to his room. He's the reason that Remus remembers the split, because he's the reason the split happened in the first place. It's undeniable. Morality. Good and bad. Roman had been assigned good, and Remus...

Well, Remus was 'bad.' Undesirable. Immoral. As far as Patton can tell, he's embraced the role wholeheartedly, but how long did that take? How long did he cry alone in the dark, wanting the other half of his fundamental being to return?

Logan glances his way, and Patton flushes beetroot red, embarrassed to be caught staring at Remus. To his surprise and discomfort, Logan sidles over, adjusting his glasses and looking around before he speaks.

"May I inquire why you have been staring at Remus?" Logan asks. He is oddly stiff, and Patton thinks the logical side is- could he be _blushing_?

"Oh, because of what happened in my room," Patton dithers, wringing his hands. "I feel awful about it, I wish I'd known-"

"Oh," Logan says. Is that _relief_ in his eyes? "Patton, you had no idea what would happen. And if I recall, you are the one who expressed doubts about everyone visiting your room in the first place. I am the one who insisted. I apologize."

"It's fine, Logan," Patton says, trying to shake it off and just smile up at Logan. "Come on, or we'll miss the beginning of the movie!"

They haven't, as it turns out. Roman and Remus are too busy arguing about whether or not they should watch Disney or Pixar.

"Aren't they owned by the same company?" Virgil points out dryly, to twin huffs of exasperated breath.

"Why don't you watch a Pixar movie first?" Logan suggests. "We frequently watch Disney after all." Remus beams at him, flopping into his pile of pillows, as Logan pops _Finding Nemo_ into the player.

"I thought you would like this one, since it involves underwater creatures," Logan says. He has that red tint to his face again. He turns to Patton. "You're Thomas's heart. How is he doing right now?" Patton blinks at the change in topic, focusing in on Thomas's emotions.

"Just fine," he reports. "He's thinking of going to bed."

"Good," Logan says in satisfaction. "A better sleep schedule-"

"Is all you want for him, we know," Virgil says, slipping back into the living room with two snack trays balanced precariously. Deceit follows, a drink for everyone held in each hand. "Movie time."

Patton curls up on the couch between Logan and Virgil. He feels very warm inside as he peers down into his hot chocolate, mini marshmallows slowly melting on top.

"Thank you, Deceit," he murmurs, watching the pleased look spread across Deceit's face.

"It was _such_ a trouble," Deceit whispers back.

"Shut up!" Remus shouts. "The movie's starting and it's sad!"

"Well, you're the one who wanted to watch underwater creatures," Roman says snippily. Patton sighs, rubbing at the crease in his forehead. His head begins to ache.

"Patton, are you all right?" Virgil mutters. Patton hesitates, then nods.

"Just a bit of a headache, kiddo," he says. "That's all." Deceit looks like he wants to argue, but keeps his mouth shut. Patton's not _lying_ precisely. He just-

Well, he can't help but return to the previous topic in his head, especially looking at Roman and Remus lying next to each other. They should be one person, and they aren't, and it's all Patton's fault.

He doesn't realize he's started to cry until a tear plops into his hot chocolate.

Thankfully (he thinks), the others seem to think it's because of Nemo's mother. He's not sure that makes him feel any better.


	18. sometimes i wish someone out there will find me

Deceit wakes up with a jaw-cracking yawn, his neck stiff and his bones creaky. During last night's movie marathon, they'd all fallen asleep, but this time, only Roman and Remus had ended up in an actual bed. Deceit levels a glare at the sleeping twins. He hopes they enjoyed proper back support.

Logan's still asleep, leaning on Remus's bed. Deceit peers closer and hides a smirk. Logan's hand is intertwined with Remus's. Virgil's also still asleep, although he's sprawled out on the floor, back tight against the sofa. Patton is-

Patton is missing. Deceit strains his ears and finally hears a quiet clinking from the kitchen. It's not much comfort after last night. He saw the moral side's tears. He heard the half-truths and carefully skirted around lies. Everything isn't happily ever after yet. Perhaps that shit's only for the movies.

As stealthily as he can, Deceit slips off the couch and tiptoes into the kitchen. Patton's putting together breakfast, but he's the most despondent-looking Deceit's seen him in a long while.

"Pat," he says from the doorway, unwilling to completely sneak up on him. Patton jumps anyway, putting one hand over his heart, as he turns around.

"You scared me," he scolds. "I didn't think anyone else would be awake yet."

"Well, lucky for you, I am," Deceit drawls, slinking further into the kitchen and taking a seat. "Now, spill." Confusion crosses Patton's face.

"What?" He asks.

"You came after me," Deceit says, as bluntly as he dares. "You told me that you had dealt with depression, too. You got me to come back out of my room. The _least_ I can do is return the favor, Patton."

Patton stares at him, mouth working, for a moment, before tears well up and start to spill down his cheeks.

"I'm fine," Patton says. _Lie_. 

"I think we both know you aren't," Deceit says gently. Patton slumps into the chair next to Deceit, nodding and sniffling.

"I should be," Patton says.

"Also a lie," Deceit says. Patton looks perplexed. "There is no 'should,' Patton. If you aren't fine, then you aren't fine. Of course you're allowed to be not fine."

"I just-" Patton nibbles his bottom lip. "I suppose I'm having a lot of... Trouble. Dealing with well, myself. I'm Morality, yet- when I think about Remus's reactions to my room-" He shivers, rubbing his arms. "How can that be moral? I made a side _split in two_, Deceit. That...isn't that immoral in itself? Doesn't that make _me_ immoral?"

"You were a child, just like the rest of us," Deceit says gently. "You had a child's understanding of the world. There are no shades of grey to a child. Remus's perspective terrified you. He's not immune to its effects either, you know. Should it have happened? No, but I don't think it makes you immoral."

"But- how I've treated all of you," Patton protests. His eyes are very red and swollen, and his hands won't stop trembling. "The others-"

"You've been making it up to us," Deceit points out. "You've accepted us. Even Remus. Wasn't that what yesterday was about?"

"Of course!" Patton says at once.

"There you go," Deceit says. "Patton, you can't be perfect. It doesn't work that way. But that doesn't mean you don't do your best. You try your hardest and I am positive that everyone knows that. Even Remus."

Patton buries his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking.

"Sometimes I feel like I don't belong in the fam-ILY after all," Patton mumbles. Deceit's eyes widen in alarm. He leans forward, urgency spurring his movements.

"Yes, you do," he says fiercely. "Even when I disagree with you, Patton, I know Morality always should have a seat at the table. Both for Thomas and this one." He pokes the kitchen table with a gloved finger.

"And everyone else has been asleep long enough," Deceit continues, rising to his feet. Patton's eyes widen.

"Oh no, Deceit, don't wake them up yet, I'm fine," he tries to plead, but Deceit just _looks_ at him.

"No," he informs him. "You aren't. It's Loving Patton Hours in this mindscape this morning and lucky for you, Roman and Remus should be just about healed by now."

And with that, he tows Patton back into the living room.


	19. heart attack

Roman finds himself jolted awake by Deceit ringing a _cowbell_ of all things, standing in the middle of the living room.

"Terribly sorry," Deceit says smoothly. "But I fear I must inform you that it is Loving Patton Hours starting now, ending never. Cuddle this boy." He pushes Patton forward, who looks perplexed and slightly terrified behind his glasses.

"_Patton!_" Remus squeals, jumping out of bed and tackling Patton to the floor. Patton lets out a muffled _oof_, but to Roman's relief, he's smiling.

"Remus!" Roman says, belatedly remembering. "Your ribs-"

"They're fine!" Remus says, shrugging. "They hurt a little but that's nothing. Can you imagine shoving your torso in a-"

"Not before breakfast, Remus," Deceit hastily interrupts. Roman blesses him and from the sickly look on Virgil's face, he's not the only one who feels that way.

"So what is wrong with Patton?" Logan asks, still sleepy. He has a faint blush on his face and Roman wonders why.

"I-" Patton swallows. "I just- I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"What for?" Virgil asks, perplexed.

"To Roman and Remus primarily," Patton says. Roman's eyes widen.

"But why?" Roman asks. "You've done nothing wrong-"

"Thanks to my- my actions when we were children, I split you," Patton says. Roman flinches. Remus looks down at the floor, shoulders sagging. He reminds Roman of a puppet who's just had its strings abruptly cut. Patton takes a deep breath and continues. "I didn't understand that- that it's okay to have those thoughts and it doesn't make you a bad person, whether that's Thomas or another side. Because I was so- so rigid, you paid the price. And I am so, _so_ sorry." He blinks away tears.

"It's okay," Remus says, before Roman can open his mouth. Patton stares at him in surprise, but he plows right on. "I mean, I was really mad at you when it happened. I wanted to rip your guts out and break your bones and pull your eyeballs out of their sockets and-"

"We get it," Deceit interrupts his recitation. "You wanted to hurt Patton."

"But I chilled out," Remus says, flapping his hands. "Is what I was trying to say. Like yeah, I- this is weird, but I don't mind having my brother." He looks back at Roman, and the softness in his eyes warms Roman down to his bones.

"I feel I must agree with my brother," Roman says. "I accept your apology, Patton."

"Thank you," Patton whispers shakily. "I'm sorry, I just- Deceit just talked me through it, but I've been struggling with, well, Morality lately, and if I'm immoral."

"You aren't," Virgil says softly, wrapping his arms around his knees and resting his chin on them. "It will be okay."

"Virgil is right," Roman contributes, clambering out of bed (and blessing quick healing, as the were bear injuries give only a twinge of pain) and joining Patton and Remus on the floor. Deceit sighs dramatically and sinks to the floor, sitting cross-legged. Logan joins them and Virgil scoots closer, until Patton is surrounded.

"Patton, we love you," Roman says. "You know that, right?"

Sniffling, Patton nods.

"Thank you," he says. "I- I love you all so much. And yes, I mean _all_ of you," he stresses, staring at Deceit and Remus in turn. Roman watches his brother blink, stunned. Deceit's heterochromatic eyes widen, before a tiny pleased smile makes its way across his mouth.

"Cuddle pile!" Remus proclaims, before diving onto Patton again and knocking him flat.

Roman sighs.


	20. cuddle pile redux

"This cuddle pile is lacking someone," Logan announces, after an interminable amount of time has passed. Roman looks confused, but Deceit snaps his fingers.

"Thomas," he says. Logan nods.

"But what if-" Virgil starts, worrying at his bottom lip. Deceit reaches over without looking and tugs his abused lip free from his teeth.

"Patton, you're the most in touch with his emotions," Deceit says. "How does he feel right now?"

"Sleepy," Patton announces, after a moment of concentration. "Sleepy and slightly worried about everyone and also...contented? Yeah, contented. I think us cuddling is helping his mood."

"There you go," Deceit says. "I believe that last time was a fluke, brought on by Thomas's negative emotions and state of fatigue. While he is sleepy now, I imagine it's a different kind of sleepiness when you've just woken up."

"True," Virgil acknowledges. "Is- is someone going to get him then?"

"Yes," Deceit says. "Who wants to?"

"I can," Logan volunteers. "I believe that I was helpful last time, when things went wrong. Whether they go right or wrong, I believe that I can be helpful again."

"Agreed," Deceit says, inclining his head.

"Should he go alone, though?" Virgil worries, fidgeting with his hoodie strings. "I mean..."

"I'll go with Logan!" Roman volunteers. "My injuries are virtually nonexistent now!"

"I'm not sure that is a good idea," Logan gently dissuades him. "Your injuries are healed _here_. But what about the real world?"

"...Oh," Roman says, his face going red. "I didn't think of that."

"We are metaphysical, but that doesn't mean that things cannot manifest oddly," Logan says. "I wouldn't want you to exacerbate your injuries." Remus sends him an adoring look. Logan tries to ignore the warmth in his cheeks. It somewhat works.

"I'll go," Virgil blurts out. "If- if that's okay, I understand if you'd rather not-"

"Of course it's okay," Logan says, deeming it prudent to interrupt Virgil's self-deprecating spiral. "We will be right back with Thomas."

They rise up in the real world, Virgil looking rather pale and sickly as he clamps a hand over his mouth.

"Virgil?" Logan asks in concern. "Are you okay?" Virgil shakes his head.

"How do you guys do that?" He asks, flapping his spare hand. "Motion sick-"

"Logan?" Thomas asks in surprise. "Virgil? What are you guys doing here?"

"We are here to extend you an invitation to the cuddle pile," Logan recites. A slow grin appears on Thomas's face.

"The cuddle pile?" He repeats. Logan clears his throat, suddenly painfully aware that he's still in his unicorn onesie. And that Virgil's still in his bat onesie, for that matter, despite having thrown his hoodie over it.

"Do I need to bring a onesie?" Thomas asks, as if he can trace Logan's thought process.

"If you like," Logan says stiffly. Thomas beams and disappears into his bedroom, leaving Logan and Virgil alone.

"I forgot about that," Virgil mutters, flushing as he looks down at himself.

"It will be good for him, I think," Logan says. "They are exceedingly comfortable, after all-"

"Ta da!" Thomas says, spinning in an unsteady circle. He's wearing a dog onesie that has large floppy ears to frame his face. "What do you think?"

"Patton will be overjoyed to see you," Logan says, deadpan. "Shall we go?"

"Sure!" Thomas says.

This time, they arrive in the living room without issue. Logan can't deny a sneaking sense of relief when he sees everyone else, and from the poorly hidden relief on _their_ faces, he's not the only one.

"Thomas!" Remus shouts and tackles him to the floor.

"Remus, would you _stop_ doing that?" Roman says. Remus looks up from his sprawled position on the floor and grins.

"No," he says.


	21. i know exactly who i am and who i want to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thus it draws to a close
> 
> until that gay intrulogical shit happens, that is

"So why are we having a cuddle pile exactly?" Thomas asks. "Not that I mind at all."

"My brother keeps thinking he's useless and no one likes his ideas and Patton thinks he's immoral," Remus blurts out before anyone else can say anything.

"I mean, we could have eased into it," Virgil mutters. "But uh, yeah, I suppose that sums it up."

"Roman, I love your ideas," Thomas says, reaching out toward his brother and lacing his fingers with Roman's. "And even when you have writer's block, I would _never_ think you're useless. _Ever_."

"Told you," Deceit murmurs. Roman flushes red out to his ears.

"And Patton," Thomas turns toward the moral side, who looks like he wants to become one with his onesie. "Why do you think you're immoral?"

"Well," Patton says, taking a long, wobbly breath. "I- I'm the reason Creativity split. I thought Remus- those ideas were bad. Wrong. That you shouldn't have them. And because of me, Creativity split into two. But it's not just that. How I treated Deceit... How I've behaved at all recently. The callback- The trial- Maybe there was another solution there, but I wouldn't let you find it."

"I didn't help," Deceit mutters. "To be scrupulously fair. I over-played my hand."

"Still," Patton says. "You had some good points. And you were right. Thomas wanted to go to the callback. You just wanted him to admit it. And I have to admit that well, sometimes lying _is_ good. It's good to lie if it means you don't out someone, after all. Or to keep someone safe. I've been too rigid and that's hurt Thomas and everyone else. And I'm sorry."

"I don't think that you're immoral, Patton," Thomas says slowly. "I mean... Were you listening to yourself? I don't think someone who was immoral would have thought about all of that. Or cared."

"I agree," Logan says, adjusting his glasses. Remus rocks back and forth, staring at the way his fingers push up the metal frames. He wonders what would happen if he just ripped Logan's glasses off. "You have learned from your mistakes and experiences and grown as a side. That is all anyone can ask of another, I believe."

"Thanks, guys," Patton says, and now his face is tear-streaked again, his eyes overflowing, and Remus wants to lean forward and lick all his tears away. Would they be salty? Would they taste like Patton? He wonders what Logan's would taste like.

"Of course, Pat," Thomas says, squeezing Patton to his side. "I love you guys." He lifts his head in unconscious echo of Patton, his gaze taking in Deceit and Remus. Remus sticks out his tongue.

"Remus, stop that," Roman hisses. Remus shakes his head, settling back against Roman.

"No," he says comfortably.

"Hey, Thomas, wanna watch a movie?" Virgil asks. "I uh, promise not to freak out during it."

"It's a deal," Thomas says, with a slight laugh. "Although I'm not mad at you for all of that. You...know that, right?" Virgil ducks his head in that way Remus knows means he absolutely does not know that and refuses to believe it, even as he mumbles a vague affirmative.

"Love yourself!" Remus shouts at the anxious side, making him jump.

"While the sentiment is appreciated, perhaps it would be best to lower the volume a little," Logan says tactfully.

"Oh yeah," Remus says. "Probably." He flops back over, settling against Logan's side. Logan's arm tentatively settles around his shoulders, cementing him in place.

"Hey, Logan," he says, as the others start debating what movie to watch. Logan peers down at him.

"Yes?" He asks.

"Did you know I like you?"


End file.
